Increase My Faith, Lord!

My Dear Family & Friends!

While I know that it has been a long time since writing you on my blog, please know that there is not ONE day that I do not go without praying for you. I have not even one doubt, that it the prayers and sacrifices of each of one you that I am writing you in my LAST MONTH as a missionary for HH!!! I can’t even believe that I am saying that. Time literally went by flying!

Right now, the weather is windy and cold. We are just about to get into Spring, which is absolutely gorgeous here. But, while the weather might be this way, I am filled with warmth and joy and peace. While, I will not attempt, nor assume that you would even read so much (hehe!!), to write on all that has happened since my last entry, I will tell you the most recent things that have left an impression on my little heart.

Jesica
I was returning home on a bus #9 with Nana (new missionary from Colombia) and a disheveled woman hopped on. There was an elderly man struggling to sit down in the seat and she rushed over to help him. Then, she began to speak. Before I begin to share what she told us, I want you to know that it is very typical for people to sell all sorts of things on the busses (tissue paper, candy, pens, etc), as well as others who simply say they have had a rough life and need some help. Jesica was different. She was pretty, but looked like she hadn’t slept in weeks. She began by saying, ‘I know each of you had heard a million stories like mine and maybe are hardened by it all. I know that everyone has problems, so why should you care about mine. But, please, just for 5 minutes, will you look at me in my eyes and give me the gift of your attention.’ We caught eyes...I actually couldn’t take them off of her. The desperation in her voice caught my attention. She smiled at me and went along with her story. I never once took my eyes off of her. She explained that she was like each of us, working a normal job with a husband and 2 kids. She explained how her husband got into some financial troubles, began to drink to release his stress and quickly became addicted to drugs. He sold everything they had and 1 year later they were all living on the streets. She said it had been 3 months that they were on the streets and how scared and humiliated she is to be in this position. She begged us, a bus full of complete strangers, to have pity on her and help her in any way they could. As she went around to collect, I saw some people giving her money, other people completely ignoring her enjoying their music on their Ipods, I saw people scowl at her and I saw her look of complete humiliation and desperation. My heart was heavy and I could feel tears starting to dwell in my eyes. I looked through my purse and didnt have anything to give her. I felt terrible. As she approached me, she got on her knees and I quickly explained how sorry I was I didn’t have any money. She stopped me in my tracks and said, ‘Sweetie, I want to thank you. Today you gave me more than what money could ever give me. You looked at me with true respect and concern. You never took your eyes off of me. I don’t remember the last time that has happened.’ I began to cry. I told her I hope to be as courageous and humble as she is and that I will pray for her and her family. She kissed my cheek and off she went. I looked out the window as she began walking away, and she had bursted into tears.

People ask me all of the time, ‘I don’t understand your mission’ or ‘Why don’t you do something useful, like build a school, serve poor people food, give them clothes?’ But, our mission is not to give materially...it is to give our presence, our attention, our love. This simple experience helped me realize, that THIS is exactly our mission, my mission. We are here to be the one person to give respect and dignity to the ones who no one wants to look at, the ones who no one wants to talk with. To the rest of the world, I know that me paying full attention to Jesica made no difference. But to Jesica’s world, it made all the difference.

Eucharistic Miracle

In 1992, in Santa Maria church in Buenos Aires, a Eucharistic minister found 2 pieces of host on the floor where they place Jesus after a Friday evening Mass. They didn’t know if the hosts were consecrated or not, so they placed them into a bowl of water to let them dissolve and shut them in the tabernacle (Jesus’s house). 1 week later, the priest went to check out how it was dissolving and was very surprised to find that the 2 pieces of hosts were surrounded by a bright red liquid. After direction from their Bishop, years of scientific testing (that was done in the U.S.), they received the results that what the hosts had transformed into a part of the left ventricle of a male human heart and was still alive, beating. Those that did the scientific studies were NOT told that this was a Consecrated Host, until asking, but HOW is this piece of heart still beating...I would have loved to been a fly on that wall when they told them! In 1994 and 1996, droplets of blood of Jesus were found in the bowl that holds the Eucharist to give Communion to the Church. These also have been proved to be of the same blood found from the hosts. All of this has been approved by the Holy Church in Rome. Now, every 3rd Friday and 4th Saturday of the month, people can come to the church and listen to the story (with a whole lot more cool details) and pray with this host transformed into the Sacred Heart of Jesus Christ.
Francisco wanted all of us to go this past Saturday to celebrate his last moments before he left for France. I was ecstatic! You see, since coming here, one of my daily prayers has been, ‘Lord, increase my faith.’ I have a deep devotion to Him in the Eucharist, more so now than ever before, but to be perfectly honest, I had a lot of doubts. One night last week, I was Adoring Jesus alone in our little chapel. I went right up to the host and stared at Him and said, ‘Jesus, I know you are here. I know that I am supposed to believe this is really YOU behind the disguise of bread. But, you must increase my faith. Only you can do this.’ And so, when I found out we were going to see this miracle, I knew in my heart, that Jesus was going to answer my prayer.
Before leaving the house, I had forgotton my Rosary. I ran up quickly to get it, and heard in my heart to take my 2nd Class St. Therese relic that Padre Maxi loaned me for my whole mission to specifically pray for my vocation. I was like, ‘What? That’s so weird!’ But, I stuck her in my pocket and off we went.
Upon arriving, I was struck by the simplicity of the church...and the name, Holy Mary. Normaly here, there are like a million names that follow Mary: Holy Mary, Mother of the Eucharist, Queen of Heaven, etc. etc...But no, simply Holy Mary. We went to the outside and found Padre Eduardo, who is the head priest and was at the church during the first beginnings of the miracles. He informed us that we were 1 week too late and that the next viewing would be Sept. 16th. We were so bummed. I reached my hand into my pocket and prayed, ‘St. Therese, you work miracles all the time. Please, if it’s God’s will, let us see this miracle!’ The priest asked us to wait for him. And we did, for nearly an hour. The whole time, I never let go of my relic and quietly prayed to her. Finally, Padre Eduardo came and invited us into a little room. We sat down and he began to explain the story of how it all came to be. As he finished, he pulled out 5 original pictures of the 3 Eucharistic miracles that had happened and all been officially approved by the Church. As I saw the pictures, my heart began to beat rapidly and my eyes swelled with tears. Then, the priest pointed to one of the pictures and said, ‘This is the miracle that you all will see today.’ My heart skipped a beat! I was in complete shock! We were going to see the miracle! He then lead us into a chapel where Adoration was going on. One by one, he brought the miracle to each one us and we each were given 1 whole minute of intimate time with Jesus. There I was, in the presence of the Sacred Heart of Jesus! I do not have words to express to you what I felt. Even now, as I am writing, I feel as though I am doing a complete diservice to my experience because it was so overwhelmingly powerful. In that moment, I was like St. Thomas. Jesus took my hands and placed them in His Sacred wounds. In that moment, every single doubt I have ever had of His true presence was stripped away. I believe! I really do believe! And I want to shout from the rooftops that Jesus IS here and has never left us just like He promised! Mother Theresa said that Jesus is more present to us now than He was during the time of his life here on earth. I never understood that...until now. He is EVERYWHERE, in tons of little churches, basilicas, chapels, on nearly every continent...He is here with us..the true Emanuel. Ok, so while I was looking directly into the Sacred H eart of Jesus (I still can not believe I can say that!!) I gave Him my everything, I thanked Him, I told Him I loved Him and that I want to give Him my all. Then, we stayed and prayed in Adoration. I sat, staring into the Consecrated Host, and I cried and cried. Tears of pure joy and love. He had touched my little soul and I could never be the same..not with this knowledge. I thanked Him for all the consecrated, priests, nuns that gave up their lives without ever seeing such a miracle...what faith!!!!!
God knows our deepest desires, better than we do. He knows our inner struggles, better than we do. And He meets us where we are at! He always outdoes Himself in generosity. And, like a good friend told me, "God saves his best graces for the end!" AMEN!

Final Thoughts
Thanks for reading. Thanks for supporting me. Thanks for loving me. Thanks for praying for me. Before coming home, which, by the way is in October!!!!, I will get one last blog entry out. Please don’t stop keeping HH and the missionaries in your intentions. You are in ours!!!! May God bless you and today, increase your faith in Him!